Unfortunately, the anonymity of this blog has been compromised. My ex, for reasons known only to herself, evidently felt engaged enough with me to indulge a search for a private blog of mine that became known to her.
That this represents a total violation of my privacy is obvious, insofar as I stated that it was crucial to me that this private blog (unnamed, content unspecified) remain private and anonymous and was acting as a place for me to work things out in almost complete anonymity (hitherto, only one person knew who I was on here). She knew that and decided to hunt for it anyway, for whatever reason. That this feels like a massive betrayal goes without saying. That it is also vaguely and creepily stalkerish is also pretty obvious, but people in love and pain do weird things to each other.
As a result, I'll probably have to move along to other, even more anonymous pastures. If anybody out there can come up with a good reason for me to keep this open, please let me know.
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2 comments:
Hi, there...
I don't know you but I came across your blog by accident. I don't know if this will seem like unwanted advice from a stranger but I'll try to help if that's OK with you.
First, I'd like to say that you're absolutely right. People act in ways that they ordinarily wouldn't, all in the name of love. It sounds like your ex isn't over you. She is clearly having difficulty letting you go. I've been there. You feel that she has somehow violated your trust by visiting your blog. Well, the only way you can fix that is either by talking with her or by simply moving on as if nothing happened. The way to do that is to keep your blog open. Closing it down would be the coward's way out, IMO, and you wouldn't be dealing with the problem. You would simply be avoiding it.
I wouldn't classify her behavior as "creepy" or "stalkerlike", but it clearly does bother you in some way. This is where talking would probably help. You don't have a relationship with her anymore but you both should talk about this if it makes you uncomfortable. Ask her why she feels the need to visit your blog and tell her how you feel. She probably doesn't feel that she's crossed the line...it is simply her way of dealing with her emotions. I don't know what sort of person she is but hopefully you'll be able to have a rational conversation with her. Lots of luck!
Thanks for the advice.
Unfortunately, it is precisely because talking with her is out of the question that the behavior is creepy and stalkerish. She doesn't answer the phone, won't return phone calls, etc.
Doesn't want to engage in normal, albeit difficult, adult conversation, in other words, because she's afraid that I'll "try to control her", which seems strange to me, given that she can hang up the phone at any time or refuse to talk about something.
Given that she ended the relationship and won't communicate via normal channels, it seems to me that her behavior can only be characterized as bizarre. It's like _I_ broke up with her, started fucking other people, and refused to communicate with *her*, when the situation is exactly the opposite. Weird, I'm sure you'd agree.
Basically, there is so much projection going on right now that an army of analysts could write books on it. I wish more than anything that I could have the kind of rational communication with her that you describe, but that doesn't seem possible right now. Maybe someday.
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